When I received the news of my infertility I spent the first week in a fog. I never expected the news. I had always been healthy. The fact that they could not give me a reason to why it was happening was making it even harder. One evening I sat down, laptop in hand and started to google. I searched low AMH, high FSH, infertility, donor, everything. I wanted all the information I could gather. When I asked my fertility doctor if there was any way to improve my hormones, they told me there was nothing out there that would move them enough to make a difference. I was determined to find an answer.
There was one commonality in my searches. I found success stories. Every one of them alluded to doing things the natural way. From that day I was determined. I knew I could make this work. I am now on the full naturopathic route to fertility. Just a month into treatment I was feeling optimistic. I was doing twice a week treatments of acupuncture, food baths and hydrotherapy. I was cleaning things up completely. I stopped all caffeine. I added a ton of greens, including a fertility smoothie every morning. I started different herbs and natural medicines. I was full steam ahead.
I was learning more about lifestyle changes that I could do on my own. In March I was running on all cylinders with my busy, stressful job. Yes, I know, stress is one of the worst things for our body in so many ways. The doctor preached the benefits of lessening my stress, meditation, solid sleep and yoga. All those sounded great, but I am a Sales Director at a large company. The stress comes with the job. I love the idea of meditation, but I really stink at it. Shutting off the brain is not a trait I possess. That doesn’t help with the sleep piece either. I do enjoy yoga, but had trouble finding the time to do it.
Then, it happened. It was a Tuesday. My parents were in town for their annual visit. I looked at my fertility app on my phone and realized my period should have started on Sunday. I pulled out a test and saw that little plus sign. I couldn’t believe it. I had only been on the natural road for a few months. I tried to control my excitement. I immediately called the doctor for my next steps.
I wanted to make sure I did everything right. I was super strict on diet, exercise, everything. At our 7 week appointment we heard the heartbeat. It was a feeling I can’t explain. It felt so real. The doctor mentioned that the fetus was measuring closer to 6 weeks. She didn’t seem concerned noting that there was no way to know when I conceived. I tried to remain optimistic. The following week I went in for my follow-up, and the bad news came. We had lost the heartbeat. For some reason, it was so much harder this time. Maybe it was listening to the heartbeat and how real it made everything. Maybe it was the fact that this was the second time. Miscarriage was common. Two was not.
To be fair to my naturopath, she wanted 3 to 6 months of treatments to prepare my body for pregnancy. By no means were we trying that soon, but let’s be real, telling a 37-year-old woman to refrain from getting pregnant is like telling a single 30-year-old in a room full of good looking guys not to look. You can say that you are you ok being single, but the opportunity is right in front of you. Though we weren’t timing it and trying….we were not, not trying. Let the journey proceed. I was not giving up.